Internal trauma ( seeks wisdom & charm)

I understand your concern. You seem to be suffering from depressive as well as few schizoid symptoms from whatever you have mentioned. However more clarity is needed regarding your problem to decide on the severity of your condition. Your personality traits need to be evaluated in detail as well. Don't worry it is not your fault, it is the hormonal and chemical fluctuations in your brain as a result of stress which is taking a toll on your mental health. It is manageable with appropriate treatment, so that dysfunction due to the same can be reduced and your quality of life will improve. Some counselling sessions and if needed medical help might be useful for you. I would also be more than happy to help you with that if you are looking for further online suggestions. Discussions will be held confidential. You can directly consult with me through Practo as needed. Online chat consultation is also available.