I think I have bipolar disorder. To do!

Hello there! Thank you for reaching out. Before we start, I would like to appreciate you for acknowledging and having the courage to admit this first to yourself, and now seek help for the same. It can take a lot of courage to be mindful about something that you have wronged on, and reach out for support. I shall try my best to answer your concern. When we get in situations that are frustrating and feel limiting to us, we find ourselves feeling an internal urge to express it in a way that can help us release them. While there are many issues like fights, miscommunication and escalation among others, that can cause us to be frustrated - these can be managed in a way that helps us to communicate the same to the other person. These could be discussions, verbal or written explanations among others. However, hitting or abusing someone physically to express yourself is not the answer to communication. Especially because, as you mentioned, you love them and care a lot for them. And your partner who is with you, trusts that you love them enough not to hurt them emotionally or physically. To this extent- it is good that you have realised that it is wrong to do this. However, acting and changing this is also important. Understand yourself - Abuse by itself can be very difficult to understand. However, understanding where your abuse comes from can be a good first step. There are many people who struggle with having faced abuse in their lives previously, and usually learn to act it out when they start facing similar issues. This is not the case with everyone. You can find how and where you could have learnt to act out your anger. Things like tracing back when and where you first expressed yourself this way can be helpful. Understand the situation - You hitting your partner is a reaction to something in your environment. This is often called a trigger. Thus- it is important to understand what triggers your physically violent reaction. This is the immediate point where you act out your emotion. - Think about at what point during the conversation did you finally end up being violent. - Why did you use violence and not anything else? - What could you have done? In any case, violence is never the option because it would not allow you or the other person to be heard or understood. Thus, reflecting on these things can be important to think during times when you are alone. What to do when you are in the situation During Conflicts: - When you realise that there is something that is bothering you previous to your interaction with your partner, decide to walk away from the situation. Staying in the situation that can aggravate you might lead you to hit your partner unintentionally. - In the moment, identify one part of your body that you can focus on to understand that you are feeling something. Use this to ground yourself. For example, hold your hand to your chest and breathe deeply- and walk away from the place until you have collected your thoughts and self. - Honour your partner and their body. Even as your emotions might be valid, your partner is just as human as you and they matter. Hurting them in the moment and caring for them later is not how things should seem. Meeting your partner: - For the safety of your partner and you, try to meet in public areas where your urge to hit her might not be realised - Try to avoid meeting your partner until you have started to work on yourself with the aid of a professional counsellor or psychologist. For the better of your partner and you, try to not engage in this relationship any further until you have worked on yourself. We understand that letting them go might be very difficult for you to endure, however this will help you to understand what you have been dealing with and keep your partner out of physical harm. Your partner has been trying out her best for you, however until you have completely worked with yourself- it would be better to not be in a relationship. We would recommend you to please reach out to professional mental health practitioners from organisations or independent set ups for the same. They would be able to provide you a non- judgemental safe space for you to work through your concerns. Credits: Parul Pushkarna, Intern at Heart It Out

Hello, Glad to know that you have identified your issues and want to seek help.It seems that you have difficulty in regulating emotions.You will definitely get helped in counseling sessions.

Consult a clinical psychologist for detailed evaluation and assessment