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I don't know how to describe this
My mom died a month back, First 5 days are so painful and after i started to engage in other works. But i was unable to sleep for almost 10 days. And after that my pain is gone like a miracle, I started feeling like she will come back. I used to have heavy breakdowns in every three days. Now from past one week, I am feeling so empty, That i want to end my life. But i am not sharing this to any of my friends or dad because, They might think that i am trying to get attention. They might also show extra protectiveness after sharing this. My mind is not accepting that she is dead. It feels like that she will come back in few days. I am being lucid for almost all the time thinking suicide is not the correct thing. But for like a 20-30 minutes a day, I am getting stronger instincts on ending my life. I don't know what is the reason. I'm not feeling sad for my mom's death, Am i that cruel ? I am 3rd year mbbs student. All relatives and dad are blaming me that i couldn't save my mom.
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Hi, firstly my condolences to your mother. Your loss is irreplaceable. And the pain you are experiencing is understandable, and it will take lot of time for you to adjust. What feelings/ thoughts you are experiencing are part of grief. Grief has 5 stages - Denial Anger Bargaining Depression Acceptance. Please, read about them in open resources for self help. But, on the other-side, I advice you to consult a psychiatrist for your suicidal thoughts. See, u must try to understand that doctors are not gods .... and we definitely cannot save everyone including our family members ( i am only telling this if you r guilty about it and it’s causing your suicidal thoughts). But , give yourself some time and face the situation by taking professional help from a psychiatrist. Becoz your life is precious and it matters, and when u r a full fledged doctor u will definitely save a lot of lives. I request you to Please consider this and seek help.
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dr deepa is right
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You had a bereavement and you are going through grief reaction which includes disbelief, shock, numbness, feelings of unreality, anger, feelings of guilt, sadness and tearfulness, preoccupied with deceased, disturbed sleep etc. The intensity and duration varies with each person resulting in acceptance of loss and readjustment. This might take upto 6 to12 months. How is your sleep now, mood? You are getting suicidal thoughts which are very concerning which need to be addressed immediately without any delay.
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Consult a psychiatrist online urgently
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Get your self properly treated .U need to inform your all queries to your family .
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seek immediate psychiatric help either online here on practo or in person with a local psychiatrist
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Disclaimer : The content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding your medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website.