I am a designer with a decent salary and job. But I always wanted to be an ias officer but couldn't manage to do both and hence I always feel depressed.
It just hurts every now and then. Meanwhile due to depression, I caught lot of weight. And got diabetes and blood pressure too. I someone pull me out of this mess?
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Let me tell you at the outset, you are not alone. There are many like you who are in this sea of confusion and inner conflict resulting from a dissonance of what we want to do and what we end up doing. This is especially true in our country, since there is very little done at the school level to make sure our aptitudes match the vocation we land up in.
Moving on to your specific case, since you already have a decent job which take care of your financial needs, you still have the time to appear for IAS exams. The upper age limit to appear for these exams is 32 years. So you still have 3 years in hand, why not give it an honest shot, since you are financially secured.
Secondly, one of the possible factors for you undergoing through what you describe as 'depression' might this professional conflict. There are only 2 ways to resolve it. Either you give a whole hearted try at cracking the exams, or you try and enjoy your current job by bringing in more passion into what you're doing. Alongside this, try and analyse and find out what other strengths you have that you can convert into a profession in the future.
Always keep thinking on the lines of what novel thing that you might be good at, and enjoy doing. Try and experiment. I'm sure if you keep thinking on these lines, you'll reach a stage where you're happy with whatever you're doing.
Lastly, if you really are suffering from clinical depression, I hope you are consulting with a Psychiatrist. Also, the issue of your Diabetes needs regular checks with your Diabetologist. Include some form of exercise regimen in your daily routine, and eat healthy. This will help to keep both your Depression as well Diabetes in check.
Sleep, Exercise, Diet, and professional advice on your health issues on a regular basis is what you need to stick to religiously.
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