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Being betrayed

I had a breakup with a guy I loved very sincerely 4 yrs back..I wasn't able to get over it at all..even though I had a lot of proposals I couldn't believe that they could really be in love with my as my ex had left me for another girl..after that I made a bunch of really good friends...but they too betrayed me...lied to me and cheated me...my friends were of both boys n gals...and both were equally bad backstabbers...whenever I meet such people I get reminded of my ex...it's haunting me and I feel so left alone in this world....I dunno what to do or how to be normal again
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Doctor Answers (1) on Being betrayed

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Ms. Sneha Bhat Bangalore | Counselling Psychologist
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Hey, We tend to look at ourselves the way others look at us or treat us. For ex: If few people tell you that you are really good looking or talented, you start noticing and believing in your looks and talent. If same people/others say that you are not worthy or capable in some way, you eventually start behaving in that way. In your case, you had your sincere affection and trust invested in a guy who could not understand or appreciate you. As you were greatly invested in this relation and were left for another girl, you have lost trust in your value and expect anyone and everyone who gets close to you to back stab you in one way or the other. You would be closely watching for them to do so. Your friends, being human would falter at one point or another and prove your expectations to be true. Have you also noticed the times when you have enjoyed with these friends..?? Have you noticed the good things this very same friends have done for you..?? In every relation there are some things which go right and some do not. The secret of having fulfilling relations is to sit with those people close to you and discuss the things which went wrong & also express the way it has affected you. There is no room for keeping the hurt to oneself in a close friendship or any other relation. Coming to your last boyfriend, i see that you both were growing up & exploring the world when you were together. You both did not know yourselves so well then. You being a honest & caring person were totally invested in relationship however he had changed when you were not noticing. The person who liked you and whom you liked was a different one and the one who has left you after 4 years is different. He had changed. Teen years are the ones for exploration and expansion. You tend to change a lot in those years. That is the reason you ought to focus on shaping a life before dedicating it to someone else. It's really rewarding to fall in love, when you have shaped your life the way you like. As for now, do not let few incidents affect you & reduce your trust in yourself & people. Continue to be the sweet & honest person you are. With little persistence & communication friendships can be repaired & built the way you like. You are not alone. There is this whole world waiting to know you. Extend your hands & be happy.
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