First, thank you for sharing something so personal and painful. What you’re experiencing is incredibly difficult, and I want you to know that your feelings are valid. Being betrayed by someone you trusted deeply can shake your sense of self-worth and control, and it’s understandable that it has impacted your relationship with food and your body.
What you're describing may be signs of an eating disorder, which often stems from a need to reclaim control, self-punishment, or intense anxiety. This isn't your fault-and you do deserve help, healing, and nourishment.
Next Steps
Please consider speaking to a mental health professional or a therapist. You don’t have to go through this alone, and there is hope to feel better again.
Health Tips
1. Seek Therapy- A therapist- especially one experienced in trauma and eating disorders- can help unpack the emotional pain and build healthier coping strategies.
2. Start Journaling: Write freely about emotions, especially when urges to skip meals or over-control food arise. This can help you externalize and understand your feelings.
3. Challenge Negative Self-Talk: When you think "I deserve to starve" or "I'm not good enough," pause and counter that thought with one kind truth about yourself.
4. Eat Small, Gentle Meals: Start with small, non-intimidating meals (soups, smoothies, toast, fruits). Don’t worry about 'perfect nutrition' right now- just focus on consistency.
5. Create a Routine: Try to eat at the same times daily, even if it's a few bites. Your body thrives on rhythm, even when your mind is unsettled.
6. Avoid Food Rules: It’s okay to eat carbs, fats, and
sugar. You once enjoyed them, and your body still needs them. Let food be nourishment, not punishment.