Hi. I went through your query and from what you have mentioned, it seems that you are suffering from symptoms of depression and anxiety. Considering the fact that you are even having suicidal thoughts, you should seek professional help at the earliest. Please consult a psychiatrist and get yourself evaluated completely. Accordingly treatment in form of medications and psychotherapy will help you.
Next Steps
Seek a psychiatric consultation.
Health Tips
Start exercising daily. Start writing diary daily in order to vent out your feelings and emotions.