Hello,
The description provided by you here is highly suggestive of an ongoing negative emotional and mood state. The possibility of Depressive episode or adjustment disorder seem to be highest.
Presence of suicidal ideas is a reason for worry, hence my suggestion for you is to please seek a consultation with a psychiatrist for comprehensive assessment and further management.
Please be well assured that your condition can be helped with proper guidance and treatment.
Do not hesitate or delay in seeking help.
Hope this helps you. Best wishes for your health and future...
Next Steps
please do not remain isolated, and connect with your family or friends who care for you. keep self busy, and engage in regular schedule like regular meal, sleep, etc, also engage in some hobby... let your thoughts be, do not try to fight against them. but remember this too shall pass... believe in yourself to come out of this negative situation.
seek help as soon as possible..