Hello dear, Yes, you are very correct in judging that you need some "serious help". The current symptoms described by you here are suggestive of an ongoing depressive episode. However the background factors of personality, any medical illness, your social and environmental factors etc require further elaboration and assessment. Hence I would suggest and urge you to seek a consultation with a psychiatrist near you for comprehensive assessment and treatment. The presence of ideas of self harm do worry me, and hence I would suggest that you do not hesitate or delay in seeking help. A well constructed plan of treatment should be able to help you, which in all likelihood will be a combination of mediation and psychotherapy. Please be well assured that your condition can be helped with proper guidance and treatment. Hope this helps you. Best wishes for your health and future.