Hello there. Sorry to hear of your difficulties. From your description it is possible that you are going through depression. It would be good to consult a psychologist or psychiatrist for further evaluation. It would be better to consult sooner as the longer you put it off the more difficult things can become and the further effect it has on the quality of life. Best wishes.
Next Steps
Consult a psychiatrist/psychologist who could evaluate you further and give you appropriate advice.
Health Tips
Very often we can feel hopeless when surrounded by such thoughts and feelings. Thankfully there is help available. Take that first step of meeting a nearest available psychiatrist or psychologist today itself.