It must be very distressing for you to be forced into a venture you don’t want to get into. I wonder what could have happened to make you feel like this. There may be numerous reasons for the same that needs to be understood and taken care of.
Moreover, you talk of social anxiety indicating low self esteem, which again maybe making you vulnerable to such thoughts
Next Steps
It is important for you to seek psychological help. Marriage or no marriage, having social anxiety and trust issues can make your life very difficult.