Hey! I can see how internal conflict is causing you a lot of stress and making you experience a range of emotions all at a time. At the crossroads you're standing, the decision you take will involve a lot of factors, opinions and emotions, of not just yours but of your partner's as well. Making it all the more complex I can see. And I also feel any decision you make will cost you something very close to your heart, and some amount of regret will naturally follow. Nonetheless, any delay in the decision making might also end up in creating some unplanned outcome. In situations such as these, considering emotions as facts, along with the practicalities will, to some extent, help you see a clearer picture. Talking it out to a professional might also help you see the picture clearly, and maybe gauge the overall consequence of the road you decide to take.
Next Steps
You may book an appointment with a psychotherapist, I'm sure that's going to give more clarity.