They say, "It's All In The Mind." The mind plays tricks and creates Illusions. Yet in psychology, we call these Defense Mechanisms.

I have studied psychology and I have read all kinds of theories. At one point in time in my career, I believed I had read History of Psychology because A. I have not experienced these theories myself and B. These theories were created based on a person's experiences created by the situations, that occurred a long time ago. And in comparison to the fast ticking clock of artificial intelligence in today's time, the situations and the experiences will be different. Yet guess what? How much ever the time changes, the working of the human mind, their behavior remains similar.

I was interning in a de-addiction center where I conversed with a mother of a substance abused son. She wanted to take her son back home as she assumed that her son was getting alright and she will be able to manage him at home. So the boy was caught as drug peddler in the old Delhi and soon was observed that he was habituated of drugs. He was still going through withdrawal symptoms and the cure was yet to get started.  The mother insisted that I wrote a note to the head of the department to release the son. She asserted that she can't see her son cry in pain. She pressed on the statement- "At least my son takes it only with his friends. There are people who are worse than him."

As soon as she spoke out these words, I knew that the mother was in denial and her desperation to see the son fine was so large, that her mind played a trick which blinded her to see her son as an addict. She would have felt helpless and frantic to turn her son's life around, that that's the best rationale she could come up with.

 Another example- a child who hasn't done well in the exam. Even he knew very well that he did not study thoroughly, yet when he asked by the parents as to what caused the drop in the result , he blamed the teacher that she either did not love him or she was very strict. We have all said that to our parents. Our parents just lets it go because they too use the same excuses for their low performance at work. 

Here is an example that my friend shared with me that actually made me think about defense mechanisms. One day my friend expressed her sadness to me about her partner going to a stag trip. He was too excited that he started shopping a month ago for it. She also voiced that she reacted positively and happily to her husband as she didn’t want to be portrayed as a bad clingy wife. Yet the fact that she was sad about, that her husband always went on a vacation with her, and this was the first time in 4 years that he was going with his friends. She could not express her true emotions to her husband. After a day, she messaged me that she was now fine with her husband going on the trip. She said-"I am sad, that he is going without me, I am going to miss him, but what is making me so sad? I have been to this place a lot of times before. It is not the end of the world."  I asked her if she is really ok with it? And yes she was!! She said she was fine!!.

I was shocked to realize that how our mind worked!! Our mind or our thoughts are so powerful that it can change our moods. What we say to ourselves can either make us feel better or worse.  When does defense mechanism work? When we feel sad, or anxious and eventually helpless about our situations, our mind starts sending us thoughts to put us at ease. Phrases like- Its going to be okay, maybe it wasn't meant to be yours!! Maybe not right now, next time!! Why don't you take it as a learning!- makes us put our heart at ease. Our thoughts plays tricks on our emotions. We keep looking out for peace.  

As I wrote this blog, I questioned myself as to why did we need defense mechanisms? In the above examples if we noticed, the mother acted strong and tried to convince me that she would be able to take care of her son. The wife suddenly acted as if the world didn't end with her husband going to a trip. But what about the emotions that they went through the pensive situation? What if we need these defense mechanisms to protect our emotions. When we are about to fall, our hands or legs protect our torso or the head from getting hurt, similarly our mind plays a role in shielding away our vulnerability in front of others. Any human emotion is scared of giving away their emotions as they fear of getting hurt or judged. Hence our mind creates a bubble for us to feel better for a while. The process of defense mechanism is great, as it calms us down but in the process, we have suppressed our sentiments. Rationalization or denial or defense is a short- lived process, yet it is a topic of concern in the long run.