Some insight and help would be amazing.

How I feel : Act out/act like a child Self induced reasons of fear Defensiveness out of fear Overthinking/negative/self critical Constant contradictory thoughts of current decisions and actions Always gauge myself as better or worse when I meet anyone Either hate myself or act aggressively confident hurting people around me Don't remember when this all started I cut out people when I feel they detect this behavior Feeling weak/support less I don't know what is illusive and what is real Traumatic experiences : Car accident Bullied when young(still in talking terms with the people and avoid acknowledging the past) Stayed inside room for months in the cold Toxic relationships Feeling excessively sad Physical Symptoms : Fidgeting Biting nails Extreme Change in body temperature(feeling hot and cold) Difficulty in breathing Not being able to eye contact with others or myself in the mirror I feel like my back is hunched Feeling like any laughter or loud voices heard are against me.