I’m sorry to hear that you’re feeling this way. Please get in touch with a psychologist immediately or visit an inpatient psychiatric facility. Seek all the social support and help you can. Talk to parents, friends, siblings and ask them to be around you for the time being. It’s hard to feel the way that you are feeling but the more you try to ignore or suppress it, the more strongly it will pop out.
Next Steps
Make a safety plan; visit a psychologist (reach out if you’d like to schedule an online appointment. I specialize in mood disorders and suicidality)
Health Tips
Try to distract yourself from those intrusive thoughts