Hi,
You’ve been fighting this for ten years. That’s not weakness. That’s endurance. First, the sexual side effects on SSRIs/SNRIs are common. They’re not “in your head.” They’re a known biological effect of increased serotonin dampening dopamine and sexual signaling. Your body is responding predictably. Second, the suicidal thoughts on bupropion within a week that matters. Rapid emergence like that is a red flag for you personally. That medication may not be your match, even though it works well for others..
Your mirtazapine dose (3.75 mg) is basically being used as a sleep regulator, not an antidepressant. At that low dose, it mainly acts as a sedating antihistamine. That explains why you can’t drop it without insomnia returning.
What matters most right now is this question:
Are your current symptoms mostly anxiety? low mood? low motivation? sexual dysfunction distress? sleep?
Treatment direction depends on the primary suffering.
Next Steps
Psychotherapy focused on anxiety regulation medication alone rarely resolves GAD fully.
Health Tips
stabilize your nervous system daily. Not theory. Practice.
Twice a day, 5 minutes:
Slow breathing. Inhale 4 seconds, exhale 6–8 seconds. Longer exhale tells the brain “we’re safe.” Do it even if you don’t feel anxious. This trains your baseline.
shrink your day.
Depression overwhelms by making everything feel heavy. Don’t aim for productivity. Aim for three non-negotiables daily: 3 not 10
1 small body task (shower, short walk, stretch)
1 responsibility task (email, bill, work item)
1 human connection (text, call, brief conversation)
stop wrestling thoughts.
GAD feeds on “what if.” When a worry shows up, say internally:
“Maybe. Maybe not. I’ll handle it if it happens.”
You are not trying to win the argument. You are refusing to fuel it.
protect sleep gently.
Wind-down routine 45 minutes before bed.
No analysis of life in bed.
If awake more than 20–30 minutes, get up, dim light, boring activity, return when sleepy. This retrains insomnia instead of fighting it.
sexual side effects.
Shame makes this worse. Stress worsens erectile response. Pressure worsens it further.
Remove performance focus. Shift to connection, not outcome. Anxiety shuts down arousal through the same fight-or-flight system you’re already dealing with.
monitor, don’t obsess.
Once a week, rate:
Mood (1–10)
Anxiety (1–10)
Sleep quality
Energy
That’s enough data. Daily checking increases rumination.