Hi I am sorry for your situation. First of all dont lose hope for yourself. I know the trust is broken in relationship, yes it hurts very intensely. But its not your fault, what is the reason you want to end life or feel negative about yourself, your husband have to feel guilt about his behaviour. Speak with him clearly, confirm your ideas, based on the situation take positive step about your life. This time you might require emotional support, you can visit any psychologist offline or online. Take care.