Hello.
I understand that you are concerned about your relationship. It must be difficult, however I appreciate the fact that you are seeking help.
As you said, you are not aware of what you are doing and why you are doing certain things. This can certainly impact your relationships. It is very important to understand what causes certain behavior and if they are problematic we need to make sure that we know how to handle them.
Next Steps
It would help talking to a counselor to understand the situation better. It would help to understand yourself better and know the cause of certain behaviors. I can see that you want to work on your relationship, i appreciate that. Speaking to a counselor would definitely help you to know yourself and focus on your positive behavior that can help the relationship.
Health Tips
If possible, try to share your feelings to someone you trust or love. You do not have to express everything perfectly but just certain things that will help you ease your mind. Do not lose hope.