Hi young lady , you seem to love to dwell in your past & relating it with your present life . It is obvious that you cannot emotionally grow nor give positive outcomes. If you realise that this is harming you & your future too then choose a path to move forward in life . Stop procrastinating !
Next Steps
Consult an Experienced& trained Psychologist to attend CBT sessions by Tele Counselling .to learn coping skills , systematically.
Health Tips
Deal with your negative thoughts, guilt feeling to cope up with this difficult situation . Maintain a good lifestyle personally .