Your post describes an overwhelming amount of pain, trauma, and physical suffering. Hearing that you have experienced family assault, isolation, severe insomnia, memory loss, and suicidal attempts like trying to jump off a terrace makes it critical to address your safety and well-being first.
What you are going through is a complex combination of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) from physical assault and family abuse, Substance Withdrawal/Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS) following alcohol and nicotine cessation, and severe Major Depressive Disorder with High Suicide Risk.
Trauma & Overthinking: The nighttime replaying of past assault, emotional abuse after 12th board results, and feelings of hypervigilance/aggression are classic trauma responses.
Memory Loss, Headaches, & Hair Loss: Severe sleep deprivation, high cortisol levels from chronic emotional stress, past heavy alcohol intake, and potential nutritional deficiencies (like
Vitamin B12 and Thiamine) severely impair memory consolidation and cause systemic physical symptoms.
Insomnia & Irritability: Stopping heavy alcohol/nicotine without medical supervision disrupts GABA and glutamate neurotransmitters, leading to severe rebound insomnia and irritability.
Next Steps
Seek Immediate Safety and Crisis Intervention: If you are having active suicidal thoughts or feel unable to keep yourself safe right now
Emergency Services: Go directly to the nearest hospital emergency room.
Comprehensive Psychiatric Evaluation: Consult a Psychiatrist as soon as possible. Medication is urgently needed to stabilize your mood, manage sleep deprivation safely, reduce craving/withdrawal symptoms, and lower suicidal distress.
Undergo Laboratory Workup: Ask a doctor to run essential blood tests, including
Vitamin B12,
Vitamin D, Thiamine (B1), Hemoglobin,
Liver Function Tests (
LFT), and
Thyroid Profile (
TSH) to correct nutritional deficiencies contributing to memory loss and hair fall.
Trauma-Informed Psychotherapy: Once stable on medication, initiate Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT) or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) with a licensed clinical psychologist to process the assault and family trauma.
Health Tips
Do not attempt to navigate severe addiction withdrawal or acute suicidal crisis completely alone. Reaching out to medical professionals or crisis lines provides a safe, confidential environment away from family conflict.
Create a Personal Safety Plan: Write down emergency contacts, helpline numbers, and safe distraction techniques. If you feel an impulse to harm yourself at night, step away from high places (like terraces or balconies) immediately and contact a crisis line.
Recognize Your Strength in Quitting: Successfully stopping alcohol and smoking on your own shows immense willpower. The distress you feel now is partly your brain and body recalibrating, and with proper medical support, your brain can heal and recover.