Hello Friend, Good that you are seeking a help here. You are carrying a lot of negative perception about yourself which is hampering your way of thinking and behave with others.
Better to a professional psychology expert advice to assess yourself first and explore the gaps. I am sure you will able to get a clarity for your problem and a suitable solution. Don't hesitate.
Next Steps
Consult a psychologists directly or easily consult online through Practo. Feel free to reach out to me online for further evaluation and recommendation. Be positive. You will be alright soon.