Hello, The description provided by you is very highly suggestive of Obsessive Compulsive disorder (OCD). I would strongly recommend and urge you to please seek a consultation with a psychiatrist for comprehensive assessment and further management. Obsessive Compulsive disorder is a disorder which can be treated effectively with medication and psychological intervention used in combination. Hence please know that OCD is a treatable condition, and there is absolutely no point in losing time to get treatment. Your condition, and the enaki distress can be helped. Hope this helps you. Best wishes for your health and future.