There is large amount of emotion that you are going through and also I see a state of confusion and not being able to decide what is good or bad either right or wrong. I appreciate your awareness about your situation. Check on things that are making you irritated is it particular or anything and everything is making you irritated What situation are make you confused? In what way do you think you are acting differently? What's important to you when you act differently. I see you worrying too much about your future and in turn loosing the essence of your present. Being the moment is what you need.