Hello Friend, Good that you are seeking a help here. All your symptoms are sign of depression and that will exhibit the negativity in your behavior and actions. Holding such emotional disturbance within you is not adviced. You need to ventilate your emotions, feelings and concerns to someone who care. As you don't have friends, it's better to take a professional help. You can consult a psychologists to assess yourself first and your current suitation. I am sure you will be able to see a different prepective of your problem and suitable solutions that you can follow to overcome.