Hello, The description provided by you here clearly conveys the distress and psychological pain that you are carrying due to these current symptoms/problems. However please do not lose hope, and it is indeed heartening to see you seek help through this platform. My strong suggestion for you is that please seek a consultation with a psychiatrist near you for comprehensive assessment and treatment. A detailed analysis will help understand the various biological, psychological, and social factors related to your condition. Do not please hesitate or delay in seeking help, your condition can definitely be helped with proper guidance and treatment. Hope this helps you. Best wishes for your health and future.