I'm sorry to hear that... I can imagine how confusing, hurtful and emotionally overwhelming things must have been for. To feel different, away from the norm can make us doubt and isolate ourself even more, makes us feel we don't belong.
As you shared you have been feeling this way since your childhood it can be personality based or it may not be only further evaluation by a psychiatrist or a clinical psychologist can help you with a diagnosis. However, there are certain incidents that influences us and shapes our personality the way we see it.
Sometimes we can feel "do I need help or can I be helped? Is there a way out?". I assure you there is help also we can grow our own food, but we do take the help of farmers while we can focus on other tasks. Same here it's not about do I need or can I handle them myself, it's about help is available so why not?
Next Steps
I would encourage you to connect with a clinical psychologist or a psychiatrist, preferably in a face to face setting.
Health Tips
Please do connect with us there is happiness and your happiness and wellbeing is very important