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Feeling triggered and anxious at home
Hi, I’ve been struggling emotionally with my mom. Since I was young, she often shared her personal problems and trauma with me, almost like I was her emotional support.
Now, whenever she shouts or goes on long rants (even if it’s not directed at me) I feel extremely overwhelmed. I start crying, cover my ears, and feel anxious and scared. I’m not sure if these are panic attacks.
It also triggers me when she talks to my younger brother the same way, because I’m afraid he’ll feel like I did growing up, unworthy and insecure.
I feel guilty for feeling this way because I know she’s stressed and doesn’t have anyone to talk to, but it’s becoming too much for me to handle.
How can I cope with this, and what should I do in this situation?
Answers (15)
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I hear that you feel triggered when your mother shares her emotions with you these days. Sometimes it's possible for many of us to feel overwhelmed by constant exposure to negative adverse experiences. When we watch, hear about another person's traumatic experiences or hold space for a triggered nervous system, it can start to take a toll on our nervous systems as well. It's called vicarious trauma. Even as therapists we regularly regulate and are trained to handle traumatic material skillfully. So, for a normal person it can understandably get overwhelming without the skills for containment. So, your response to such exposure is quite common and understandable. Our nervous systems don't exist in isolation. They interact and effect each other. And an activated Autonomic nervous system (ANS) can trigger another person's flight mode, leading to dysregulation or emotional overwhelm.
You also feel concerned for your brother and your body starting the same anxiety when he is in the same situation also makes sense. However it becomes important to take care of wellbeing before we can hold space for another or even set healthy boundaries to avoid risking negative impacts of shared trauma.
Good news is that you can learn regulation skills so we can stop absorbing/internalising others feelings while still showing empathy. So i recommend that you seek a good therapist to take care of these symptoms as soon as possible.
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reach out to me so we can do work that can help you with the current symptoms
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Hi, listening her trauma, stress etc affected you. It was comforting for her probably because you are there to listen but that was extreme for you.
There are symptoms of panic attack and a feeling of insecurity together. Please connect with a psychologist, professional help can help you to get better. Also, your mother may need therapy too. The professional you will be connecting with, can help you in this matter.
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It seems to be subdued post traumatic psychological changes leading to panic disorder and mild depression.
It needs to be treated asap otherwise it may get complicated.
It can be well treated with counseling sessions and homeopathic medicine effectively and without any side effects.
It can be well treated in a holistic approach for complete recovery.
You need an expert Psychologist who is a good homeopathic physician.
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I have been working as a Homeopathic Psychiatrist and Counseling psychologist for the last 17 years of experience.
You can contact me through an online appointment for further assistance.
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What you’re saying makes sense psychologically. When a you become “emotional support” for a parent, something important gets reversed. Instead of feeling held, you learn to hold. Instead of feeling safe, you stay alert. Over time, your nervous system adapts to that environment. especially to raised voices, emotional intensity, and unpredictability.
So now, when your mom shouts or goes into long emotional rants, your body isn’t just reacting to the present moment. It’s reacting to years of stored emotional memory.
That overwhelming feeling crying, covering your ears, anxiety, fear this is very likely a trauma-triggered response, and possibly mild panic symptoms.
Next Steps
1. Regulate your body first (in the moment)
When she starts shouting or ranting:
- It’s okay to step away physically
- Put distance between you and the sound if possible
- Try: slow breathing (inhale 4, exhale 6)
- pressing your feet firmly into the ground
- holding something cold (like water or metal)
Even covering your ears that’s not childish, it’s your body trying to cope.
2. Create emotional boundaries (internally)
You don’t have to absorb everything she says.
Gently remind yourself:
- “This is her pain, not mine to carry”
- “I can care without taking it in”
At first this feels unnatural, but it’s a skill.
3. Limit emotional exposure (where possible)
If she starts venting deeply like she used to:
You can softly say things like:
- “I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed right now, can we talk later?”
- “I want to listen, but I don’t have the capacity at the moment”
You’re not rejecting her, you’re protecting yourself.
4. About your brother
Your concern for him is very real.
But try to remember:
- You cannot fully shield him from everything
- What you can give him is: warmth, reassurance, a safe presence
Even small things like talking kindly to him, affirming him they matter more than you think.
5. Long-term healing
This kind of emotional pattern doesn’t just disappear on its own.
If possible, consider: therapy (especially trauma-informed or CBT-based) 1. Regulate your body first (in the moment)
When she starts shouting or ranting:
- It’s okay to step away physically
- Put distance between you and the sound if possible
- Try: slow breathing (inhale 4, exhale 6)
- pressing your feet firmly into the ground
- holding something cold (like water or metal)
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thank you for sharing this—it takes a lot of courage to talk about something so heavy.
What you’re experiencing sounds very overwhelming, and your feelings are completely valid. Growing up in a situation where a parent shares their emotional burdens with a child can sometimes lead to something called emotional parentification—where the child ends up taking on the role of emotional support. This can make you feel responsible, anxious, and even guilty for setting limits.
When your mom raises her voice or goes on long rants, your reaction—crying, covering your ears, feeling scared—can indeed be signs of an anxiety or panic response. Your mind and body are trying to protect you from emotional overload.
At the same time, it’s important to understand this:
You can care about your mother, but you are not responsible for managing her emotions.
Health Tips
If these feelings continue or become intense, it would really help to connect with a mental health professional for deeper support.
You’re not alone in this, and things can get better with the right support and boundaries
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It's Emotional Parentification ( a form of role reversal)
Shifting mother from Venting to processing.
Like you can ask "what do you feel help you feel better now?
Can we think one small steps to improve this?
This moves Mother from pain loops to solution mode.
Co regulation is very important. Light activities like short walk, tea together, cooking. You are just following the internal rules without absorbing. ( I'm supporting not absorbing). Keep your routine stable , encourage your small positive habits like ( no interruptions no advice, I understand it hurts ( validation without encouraging reparation) . Let's take a few breaths together, no logic no advice. Only regulation.
Next Steps
Even though the therapy has not started yet , maintain boundaries, use calming dialogues , avoid becoming the emotional dumbing space.
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Hi,
Feeling overwhelmed and anxious in this situation is completely valid. Your emotions are a sign that you need support and self-care. Consider talking to a mental health professional who can help you process these feelings and teach you coping strategies. Setting boundaries, like taking breaks when things get too much, is important. Also, sharing your feelings with a trusted friend or counselor can provide relief. Remember, taking care of your mental health is essential, and you deserve support and understanding.
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Consult
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Hi
Your feelings are justified here. For an 18year old, it is difficult to handle situations of an adult. As a child too, you wouldn’t have suggested her, hence u became her pillow of comfort. Since you don’t know how to help, it is overwhelming for you. Even if you suggest anything according to your sense, it would not make sense to her.
So I suggest that u take your counselling sessions to have your vent out and how to deal/cope with overwhelming situations.
Happy to help
Contact me at eight three six eight zero five three seven one zero
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