Hello Friend, Good that you are seeking a help here. I can understand your suitation. Don't hold on such emotional disturbance within you. It will lead into depression and stress.
What you need immediately is a source where you can ventilate your feelings, emotions and concerns. This will make you feel better and think about the next step.
Consult Psychologist online to discuss this on detail.
Next Steps
Feel free to reach out to me online through Practo app or chat for further evaluation.