You seem to be going through severe depression. Kindly see a psychiatrist ASAP

Any thoughts of suicide needs urgent help and evaluation. Kindly go to the nearest multi specialty hospital or psychiatrist urgently for assessment. You can also talk to your husband or close ones about your fears of suicide or wanting to die. Enlist their Support and then visit a psychiatrist or a clinical psychologist. Remember these thoughts are temporary but distressing. They can be effectively addressed.