Hi dere, It seems U have just committed urself to one thing as of now...dat is ...ur suffering. And dat as u know is called depression. I don't need to tell u why u gotta get out of it. It's pretty obvious how chained down u feel in ur above mentioned plight. Now beyond making a problem statement we gotta take charge of things in ur life. It starts with getting into a routine ...this may b a lil difficult to initiate but very much a confidence booster. Secondly getting regular assistance in dealing with negative psychological notions in ur head. ( I hope u have tried counselling). It helps in breaking the old (gheesa -pita) patterns of negative thinking. It's not unusual when we underestimate and over think in certain matters while ignoring the positive aspect of same scenario. There r some mood improving medicines which can help u stand on ur feet if u find urself lying...but running is very much ur will. There is no problem in the world dat was created without pairing with its solution. We just gotta believe whether we r willing to do dat or not.... I hope this helps u but feel free to consult further in follow-up section. Thank u :)