Hi. From what you have mentioned, it seems that you are definitely under psychological distress. Considering the fact that you are having suicidal thoughts, it's important to seek professional help at the earliest. You should consult a Psychiatrist to undergo complete evaluation and accordingly start treatment. Your problems can ve relieved with the help of medications and psychotherapy.
Next Steps
Seek a psychiatric consultation.
Health Tips
Start writing diary daily. It will help you vent your feelings.