Hello, The description provided by you here is suggestive of an ongoing negative emotional and psychological state. Possibility of ongoing depressive episode, anxiety disorder, adjustment disorder, maladaptive personality, and other psychological as well as social factors will have to be considered and assessed. Hence I would strongly suggest and urge you to seek a consultation with a psychiatrist near you for comprehensive assessment and treatment. The ideas of self harm reported by you here, do worry me about your mental health, and I would suggest that you seek a consultation as soon as possible. Do not delay the consultation and help seeking as it can lead to chronicity and complications.. However please be well assured that your condition can be helped with proper guidance and treatment. A combination of medication and psychotherapy is usually well suited for such conditions. Hope this helps you. Best wishes for your health and future. Regards Delhi Mind Clinic