I am a lesbian and in the past I had an abusive relationship with my partner and I have a long history of abuse; physical, sexual, psychological and emotional by various people. With my current partner I am having really weird behaviour if anything from the past triggers me such as words, behaviour or past incidents. I have lost my will to live and I have tried to commit suicide once just to end the abusive relationship or to say directly to end the confusion of blames, fights and physical abuse. When the trauma triggers, the behaviour happened with me in the past is coming in front of the current partner. She understands me but it is something really weird as how their behaviour can become mine. I'm not a person who ever rose her hand but I guess the traumas have changed my personality on an upper surface but I want to change myself for good and be happy with my current partner as I'm really serious for her but such behaviour might make me end up losing everything n everyone