Dear user. I can understand. Depressive disorder or depression is a neuro chemical disorder. Suicidal tendency is one main symptom of depression. You must be able to distinguish between mental disease and mental disorder. Your problem is a mental disorder. Not a mental disease. These mental disorders are usually treated with a combination of medicines and other means like awareness, meditation, Psychotherapy techniques, life style changes etc. Take care.

I am able to understand ur difficulties. After the death of a loved one a person experiences grief which is normal and expected. But when it is this prolonged and there are features of depression and anxiety it needs to be treated.  Don't feel guilty it's not ur fault. Depression  usually occurs due to chemical changes in the brain. Anxiety can have many bodily symptoms like palpitations, tremors, sweating etc like u have mentioned. V would need to know few more details like ur sleep, hunger, energy levels, interest etc to give appropriate suggestions. Ur problems can easily be treated with counselling and if needed medications. Don't let ur problems affect ur personal or family life. U need a psychiatrist evaluation. U can also consult me online through the Practo chat option. Best wishes for speedy recovery!!