You have sent this query it shows that you are seeking support. This is a great step on your part. With out going deep into your issues, let me tell you that there is no problem in this world which is more than the worth of anyone's life. Things are never as bad as they seem and there is always a way out. I'm not saying this to console you, but because this is the truth. Several million patients around the globe have come out of such negativity with help and there is no reason why you couldn't. Seek psychiatric/psychological consultation immediately. All the best.