Hello dear, Ideas of self harm or suicide are a red flag sign. Please do not ignore your mental health and seek a consultation with a psychiatrist near you at the earliest. There is a very high possibility of Depression as per your description, however other conditions like social anxiety disorder, anxious avoidant personality, etc will require to be assessed. Please be very sure that your condition can be helped with proper guidance and treatment. Do not lose hope, help will be available to you when you seek it... Hope this helps you, best wishes for your health and future...