Though it's usually not the intended outcome of giving unsolicited advice, many who receive it often feel stressed, offended, or simply annoyed by unwanted suggestions. Setting a boundary in this regard, if you feel you need one, is perfectly reasonable and something that can bring you increased emotional safety.
It's best to set boundaries in a way that takes into account the individual's underlying reasons for doing what they're doing to avoid unnecessary conflict and more stress.
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Health Tips
1. Close it down.
Some people just won’t ever take you seriously, and that’s okay. If you know the advice you’re getting is bogus (and you know the person giving you the advice is bogus too) don’t waste your time entertaining it’s validity — shut it down.
Let the person know clearly, and in no uncertain terms, that you don’t want anymore advice from them; no matter what they think. You can still respond calmly, but you can be firm enough to set those boundaries line hard and let them know you’re not going to take it anymore.
Avoid the sarcasm and shoot straight from the hip. Say something like:
“I understand you’re trying to help, but I’m doing it this way and that’s that.”
or:
“Thank you, but I don’t need advice.”
Sticking up for yourself doesn’t have to equal being rude or inconsiderate, just make it clear that you know yourself and the direction you want to take. A simple response is often enough to shut down someone who is so emotionally volatile they feel the need to give you poor and unwanted advice.
Shut it down and make it sure everyone knows that you are the master of your own destiny.
2. Stop taking it personally.
Even when we get good advice from someone, unsolicited feedback can hurt our feelings. The key to building a good defense against this is realizing that everyone has an opinion, but they also have their hang-up’s — you can’t take their ideas about your life personally.
More often than not, the advice-giver is someone who is only speaking to reinforce their own views or opinions. They just want a set of ears to listen to them, or they may just want to believe that someone cares about what they have to say.
Realize that advice isn’t always about you and sometimes about what’s going on in the life of the advice giver. Taking that on board will allow the criticism to roll of you like water off a duck’s back.
3. Move on.
While it might tempting to engage the advisor in an all-out battle of sarcasm, the best way to deal with this kind of a situation is to move on as quickly as possible.
You don’t have to just nod and smile, it’s okay to stand up for yourself, but don’t draw out an uncomfortable situation and make it longer than it has to be. It’s okay to stand up for yourself diplomatically and then walk away, ending the confrontation on your terms (a win, when the confrontation started on their terms.)
Try saying something like:
“Maybe you’re right,”
Followed by a prompt change in direction. Or:
“Thanks. I’ll try to look into it.”
Give your advice giver a noncommittal response and move on, refusing to give away your power by engaging them in a battle that zaps your emotion and your energy. You don’t have to address the advice or admit it’s correct in any way. Simply walk away when you sense things aren’t right.
4. Learn how to identify the source.
Sometimes, the advice we get — as painful as it might be — is actually good advice. It’s important to be able to identify what advice is worth taking on board and what advice is worth dismissing.
Shutting out good advice is just as deplorable as giving unsolicited, bad advice. When you receive advice of any type, it’s important to consider and analyze the person who is giving it and the place it’s coming from.
Examine the motivations of the person giving you advice. Do they seem to becoming from a place of concern or are they trying display some type of control? You can ask yourself the following questions and fish out what advice is worth keeping and what advice is worth tossing:
Have you heard this advice before?
Is this a factual piece of advice or an opinion?
Does the advice giver have the relevant experience to give you such advice?
What would the consequences be of taking or not taking the advice of this person?
Answering these questions can make it more clear to us what place our advice giver is coming from. Sometimes, we’ll find the advice to be helpful or useful; but often, you’ll find the advice to be more of an opinion than anything else.
When you learn now to identify and analyze the advice you’re receiving you’ll be able to decide whether it’s worth the time or whether it’s worth dismissing entirely.
Putting it all together…
Even though we’d rather not think about it, unsolicited advice is everywhere and it’s hard not to let it get you down. Responding to unsolicited advice is an art form, and that means it takes practice. It’s possible, though, and mastering it will yield some truly transformational benefits.
Dealing with unwanted advice is all about setting boundaries and learning to stick up for yourself diplomatically and civilly. You can shut down advice that isn’t relevant to you, or you can take good advice on board, using it for positive change. The key is learning how to analyze advice and advice givers; allowing us to move on from poor advice and let go of the things that don’t apply to us.
Learning how to stand up for ourselves isn’t easy, but it’s necessary to cultivate the happiness we need in our lives to thrive. Don’t follow someone else’s advice unless you want to let someone else manage your life. You have the power to control your destiny — but it’s going to take some boundaries.