Hi, as you have clearly mentioned, you got into a relationship with this guy with completely different expectations and were never on the same page with him. What I sense is a lot of guilt and hurt ego which I causing you to get angry and depressed. The best part is that you have already 'accepted' the problem with a good reasoning. However, because your ego is hurt you can't seem to let go of your past mistake. In order to resolve this, you have to forgive yourself and just let it go. Nobody is perfect, neither you or him. You both made choices with consent. Just the outcome was miscalculated and it was a calculative risk taken by two adults. You have to learn to look at it as a very important lesson of your life which has helped you to see other people and who you really are. Hope this helps. If you wish, you can contact a counselor  for a session in case of further help.

Yes I can feel your consern about your future and the secret which you need to maintain for a whole life. I think you can come out this thought once you consult a Psychological Counsellor in your city and come out of the Guilt and the Blame game.

Madam, try to be involveld more in ur jobs or hobbies, it wl wash away from ur mind but wl take more time. Make friends , concentrate on ur future, help people which wl also make u feel good. It wl gv u positive energy. Best wishes

Hello, I can understand your distress and angst at being let down in a relationship. In the relationship that you have mentioned here, the goals of you two were seemingly very different from each other and in that case the longevity of such relationship was always unlikely. I understand the distress of yours T feeling sexually exploited, and such sensitive piece being spread like rumors. You will need to understand that such a relationship was not meant to be in long term. Relax, take care, spend time with family and friends, avoid brooding as of now. It is also suggested for you to meet a psychiatrist or a clinical psychologist near you for thorough evaluation and psychological intervention/medication. A trained mental health clinician can help you get back to being your usual self. Hope this helps you. Best wishes for health and future.