Please give it a second thought, ur words depict you are hell bent on to the fact that your child is a rebirth.
Your child has a condition called as Conduct Disorder, it's my request to you to kindly look up the internet and read about it.
Next Steps
Try to find an alternative explanation to the condition, try to calm down yourself first, calm your wife, sit down and patiently discuss a solution. Don't get emotionally tensed.
When you are convinced your child has a behavioural disorder called Conduct disorder, you can approach a real psychiatrist and get it treated.
Health Tips
Getting angry and punishing your child will worsen his behaviour, try to ignore his rude behaviour as much as you can.
Express your unhappiness and disappointment over his ill mannered behaviour to him constantly in a calm manner making him understand your disappointment.