Hello Friend, Good that you are seeking a help. Holding on such emotional disturbance and negativity within you not adviced. You need to ventilate with either close friends or family members. If you hesitate to share with them, then take a professional counselling support. Here you can share your feelings, emotions, and concerns free and in that process, you will also find out solutions for your problem. Feel free to reach out to me online through Practo app chat for further evaluation and recommendation..