Hello!
I understand your plight and I'm glad you're reaching out to get help. It'll be for your betterment if you took face-to-face help from a mental health professional like a Psychologist/Psychotherapist. They will help you and work around as per your needs. Till then you can use affirmations such as "I love and accept myself. I am always safe. I create my life. I am enthusiastic about life and filled with energy."
These affirmations can be done as a part of meditation. But remember that they will work only temporarily. You still need to take help from a mental health professional to tackle issues from the root cause.
Next Steps
1. take help from a mental health professional
2. in the mean time, can practice meditation along with affirmations
Health Tips
Please don't use any substance such as drugs/alcohol