Hello Friend, Good that you are seeking a help here. What you are experiencing is a symptoms of deep depression and anxiety. I am sure you don't want to be same state and willing to change.
If, hesitate speak to friends or family members, then take a professional counseling support as a first step to express or ventilate your feelings, emotions and concerns to relieve your mind. This will enable you to analyze the root cause for your current suitation and explore suitable solutions. Choose online consultation as it will be convenient and easy for you to approach and follow up.
Next Steps
Feel free to reach out to me online through Practo for further detailed evaluation and recommendation that you can follow practically. Be positive. You will be alright soon