Hello Friend, Good that you are reaching here for help. I can understand your suitation. Every life in this world has some purpose. It's just a matter of time that we get to realize it by ourselves. For few we realize only after going through a bad patch or learning through our mistakes. If you have realized that you caused the trouble to your family, then why not give back them your good side as a forgiveness.. Start working on your mistake and take steps to correct it. I know it's easier said than done . Take a help of professional counselling support to assist you.

Hi it's better u consult any psychiatrist personally and get ur evaluation done properly it will help u more tc. Dr Ankit Patel Psychiatrist Pune