Hi, this lie- guilt cycle has began long back. There is a lot piled on it till now. Kindly meet an expert for help and advise in person. These negative thoughts and emotions you carry lead to negative consequences and useless feeling.
Next Steps
Kindly meet a psychiatrist and a psychotherapist.
Health Tips
Kindly get into therapy and medications if required. And one day you have to face your parents with your truth. It will not be as bad as you feel now.