Everyone in this world have fight a battle to live their daily life.u are also a same person ,not an exception.Dont blame urself,make strength from ur crisis days.Study and work hardvto fulfill ur dream ,passion and aim of life. As ur family relationship is a little bit bad than others,so u seek good relationship in everyone . But good friend ,soulmate comes to u ,u have to wait. I think u consult psychologist online or offline to better ur mental health.