Hello Friend, as advised earlier you can't ventilate your emotions without speaking to someone. If you have no one, pls take a professional help and speak to any psychology counselor online based on your convenient. In that discussion, you will figure out more details about your problem and also suitable solutions that you can follow to overcome. As you are carrying lots of negativity and need to take care of a baby, sincerely advise you to speak to a counselor immediately.
Next Steps
Feel free to reach out to me online through Practo app for further evaluation and recommendation.