Hello,
Your confussion and dismay is understandable. How ever, depression is a very common mental health issue.. It's important that you understand, that its a manageable condition. First you need to go to a good psychiatrist or a psychologist who can help you understand your condition better.
Next Steps
You must take psychotherapy from a trained psychologist. A combination of medicines and therapy is the best way to be. Psychotherapy will teach you skills to manage / reduce / and or eliminate your symptoms.
Health Tips
Please make sure that your therapist is well trained. If you cannot find one, please feel free to call my office. They will guide to someone.
All the best