Hello Friend, Good that you are seeking a help here. All your symptoms are sign of deep depression and anxiety. Holding on such emotional disturbance within you is not adviced. It will affect your mental and physical health. Better to ventilate your emotions and concerns to someone like a professional Psychologist, so that you can find a suitable solution to overcome.
Don't hesitate to talk to a psychologists.
Next Steps
Feel free to reach out to me online through Practo app for further detailed evaluation and suitable solutions that you can follow practically to overcome this problem.