It is very sad to know that you have to go through this but remember this phase is not going to be a permanent phase. At this point you seem to have an urgent need of a therapist or Psychologist. It takes a lot of courage for anyone to take that first step but you need to take it to protect yourself and your family.
Next Steps
Request you to please reach out to a mental health professional
Health Tips
Try to get involved in some pleasurable activities( Yoga,zumba,painting, badminton or any sport) on a daily basis which will help you to generate some positive emotions
Push yourself to build an emotional support system around you.