Hello dear,
Please do understand good times and bad times are like tides, and always remember that "this too shall pass". Nothing is worthy enough to lose your life. My strong suggestion for you is to please seek a consultation with a psychiatrist or clinical psychologist near you. A comprehensive assessment and some psychological intervention would surely benefit you. Do not lose hope, you can be helped..
Hope this helps you. Best wishes for your health and future.
Next Steps
In the meanwhile please try to follow these-
1. Please try to be around people who care for you like your family/friends.
2. Please try not to engage your thinking into self pity/hatred and instead try to keep yourself busy.
3. Engage in regular schedule like meal times, sleep wake timings etc.
4. Pursue some hobby of your choice.
5. eat healthy and regularly, do not use self medication or drug use for your problem.
6. share your thoughts with someone you trust.
7. please always remember the reasons that prompt you to live.
8. please seek professional hell from a psychiatrist or a clinical psychologist.